When The Rain Comes

The crack of thunder rumbles thru the sky
As the first drop of water falls
The very first sound of rain hitting the roof is heard
The rain when it comes cleanses my soul
Clearing the darkness of which my heart holds
That first musty smell of rain when it immediately hits the ground
Gives me a weirdly satisfying emotion
Sometimes that's hardly found
The rain when it comes
Is like a cold shower on a hot day
Leaving me feeling refreshed,rejuvenated and like myself again
I've always loved the rain
With memories of me as a child
Playing in the rain so very often
Smiling whilst my eyes remain close and head lifted up to the sky
Feeling every drop caress my face and emotions it brought
And now I hear the rain just a little bit outside my window
It's begun this little joy of mine
As I tuck myself into bed
Relaxing greatly to the rain pitterring and patterning against the roofs
So as my eyes grow heavier
And my heartbeat slows down
I smile alone to myself in the dark
When the rain comes

Those Nights

Recently as I proceed further into adulthood and learning to cope with a routine life, I come to realize I do a lot of thinking or overthinking as my good friends would say.
My mind being the universe that it is constantly clanking its engines even as I try my hardest to give it a rest. Sleep doesn't come easy to me and I wished I could find a solution so that it will.
Year 2018 has gotten me thinking about a lor of things and it has made me realize so far my identity to the people around me; be it with family or friends. I have also come to realize my inability to open up my heart to find someone special.
I feel I have this facade whereby I insinuate to a lot of people I'm a strong independent woman and bring on those trials I'm ready. However to be honest I wanna let go for a while and just be vulnerable and open my heart but I'm so afraid.
Afraid to love and loose that love in the cycle that life gives us humans. It's so random this rush of emotions that I get and at times like this I feel utterly alone and it makes life seem worthless but I am aware I have people that love me dearly.
I guess I'm feeling a tad bit lost with everything that's been happening with me though it hasn't been substantially big things but nonetheless my mind just keeps going.
When will I find deep rest. Will it be when my heart finally stops beating or when I finally find a purpose. I have no idea but I do hope for one thing is that sleep comes easier as it's taking a toll on me as a person.