Recently as I proceed further into adulthood and learning to cope with a routine life, I come to realize I do a lot of thinking or overthinking as my good friends would say.
My mind being the universe that it is constantly clanking its engines even as I try my hardest to give it a rest. Sleep doesn't come easy to me and I wished I could find a solution so that it will.
Year 2018 has gotten me thinking about a lor of things and it has made me realize so far my identity to the people around me; be it with family or friends. I have also come to realize my inability to open up my heart to find someone special.
I feel I have this facade whereby I insinuate to a lot of people I'm a strong independent woman and bring on those trials I'm ready. However to be honest I wanna let go for a while and just be vulnerable and open my heart but I'm so afraid.
Afraid to love and loose that love in the cycle that life gives us humans. It's so random this rush of emotions that I get and at times like this I feel utterly alone and it makes life seem worthless but I am aware I have people that love me dearly.
I guess I'm feeling a tad bit lost with everything that's been happening with me though it hasn't been substantially big things but nonetheless my mind just keeps going.
When will I find deep rest. Will it be when my heart finally stops beating or when I finally find a purpose. I have no idea but I do hope for one thing is that sleep comes easier as it's taking a toll on me as a person.
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